Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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