I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
