grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
