No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
