hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
