I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize