Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
