He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
