I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
