Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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