I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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