You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize