..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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