This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
