im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
