Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
