We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
