im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
