singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
