Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
