How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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