All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
