You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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