Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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