Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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