its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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