so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
