I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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