so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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