I will die if light touches me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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