Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
