A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
