I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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