Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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