Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
