I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just cropdusted the office
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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