christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
