i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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