I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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