Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
