is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
