Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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