we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
