you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize