Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
