She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
