I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
