get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
