Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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