Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
