can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
