So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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