She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
