need another drink. this is the easiest way
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
