Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk is a universal language darling
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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