Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
