That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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