dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We just shotgunned beers for America
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize