u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
