I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
