I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
