you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
