god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize