My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize