i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
